Instead of the Kennedys at the dinner table we have NPR and our minivan.

The Kennedys famously discussed world politics at the dinner table in preparation and hope of their children's political future. Our family dinner conversations usually revolve around school, family business, scheduling and a conversation about best and worst parts of the day. However, our family has found an opportunity to have deep discussions about world events, politics, science, and culture. Instead of the dinner table, our conversations happened before dinner, sitting in the minivan on road trips.

On our long-haul trips we would drive anywhere from 8 to 12 hours a day. We read books, sing, play games and listen to music, but at 4 o'clockI would always like to listen to the news--NPR's "All Things Considered" (we also listen at home while we make dinner). 

As we listened to certain stories, the kids would ask questions like: "Why are we going to war in Iraq?" "What is the difference between a Republican and a Democrat?" "What is climate change and how do we fix it?" and dozens of other questions about the world and it people. Instead of telling them they would understand when they were older, we would always try to explain and answer their questions—causing deep discussions on complicated issues. 

Jennifer's first rule of parenting is "kids aren't dumb”. She thinks kids have the ability to understand complex issues. During drives and dinner prep we had more time to talk—more space to really engage. Over the years we our many conversations about politics, history, art, literature, science, and world events led to greater discussions and in depth knowledge of places and people we encountered at national parks, museums, and in books. 

As our kids grew older they began to form their own opinions about the world—in the formation of these opinions we thought it was important to challenge their ideas and cause them to try to see the other person's point of view/ perspective. The last thing we want is for our children to just parrot our opinions. One of the most important things we want is for them to be able to understand both sides of complicated issues. Now our adult children listen to NPR for themselves. They have become nerds just like their parents—but not Kennedys . . . yet. 

Happy Birthday National Parks

National parks are the best!

People often ask me to name one effective government program. I could name dozens. After this week I could tell

you absolutely what one of my favorites is: National Parks! I think this is one of the best ideas we the people of

United States ever had.

Our family spent last week in Acadia National Park. To say it is beautiful is a massive understatement. Pine tree

shore lines, mountainous hikes, sandy beaches, miles and miles of carriage trails (no cars--just walking, biking or

equestrian), oceanside views, gorgeous cliffs jutting into the Atlantic Ocean and large freshwater lakes; it is an

amazing place!

I'm so grateful it is available for everyone to visit. It made me reflect on all the years we have been visiting National

Parks. We have visited National Parks from one side of the country to another. And yes, we have done the Junior

Ranger program in many of them :) Not only are the National Parks beautiful, they offer a sense of history. I love

how the park rangers are so passionate about what they do. My children and I have been inspired talking to

archaeologists at Jamestown, naturalists in Yellowstone, historians in Boston, and dedicated volunteers and

Rangers across the country.

What if Wilson and Roosevelt and others hadn't had the insight and vision to preserve these places as national

treasures? Think if the parks were exploited for commercial gain. Who would want to see Old Faithful "Brought to

you by Taco Bell!"? Beautiful views of the South Rim of the Grand Canyon "Made possible by your friends at

Verizon!" As if the places would even exist! More likely they would've been purchased by oligarchs who developed

private residences thus denying public access to our greatest spaces. There is no question that the Rockefeller's

and others helped make possible preserving some of these places.The fact that they are controlled by the federal

government and held in public trust is a blessing for all of us.

Next year is the one hundredth anniversary of the National Park system. Our family is planning a trip to Yosemite.

What National Park will you go see?

"Are all these your kids?"

Without exception the number one question we get while traveling is: "Are all those kids yours?!" We have been asked this question in hotels, campgrounds, restaurants, national parks, grocery stores, planes, trains, the mall, the parking lot, the sidewalk, you get the picture.

I don’t know why people think they should ask this question or what response they think I will give:

"No these are not on my children. We run a mobile daycare for kids who look like us."

"Of course not! No fool would have five children in 10 years!"

"We take disadvantaged kids to public places for fun, duh.”

"Heavens no two of them are my kids two of them are her kids and we borrowed one from a neighbor. We thought it would be would be fun to take all five of them to ice cream."

Or maybe,

"We lost a bet."

I know there are families much larger than ours. However, I admit we do look like a middle school field trip whenever we go out. Some people seem to have disdain that we would have so many children. Others just find it interesting in sort of a carnival-sideshow away. We even overheard two people at a dinner party say when they heard we had five children "Can you imagine?"

Like comedian Jim Gaffigan says, “Large families are like waterbed stores. There used to be a lot of them but now they are kind of creepy."

Some people come to us and say wistfully, "I grew up in a large family." Some people have even been teary-eyed and expressed how they wished they had more children of their own. Everyone has reasons for asking the question: curiosity, contempt, admiration, because they feel so overwhelmed with their own two children or something else—who can say? I have no idea why people ask.

But I do know how to answer: YES! These are our five wonderful children! I love telling people we have five children because I love being with them. I have loved every adventure we have ever taken. I am sad for those who for whatever reason could not or did not have a large family. I am keenly aware of how much pain that causes so many. I admit I do not understand those who do not like children and or never wanted a family. I can't imagine a life without mine. Why would it be fun to go on a vacation if you didn't have to try to figure out sleeping arrangements for seven, let alone trying to feed everyone and come in on budget? So I am not frustrated or annoyed when people ask the question. I'm thrilled to have a conversation about our wonderful, chaotic, noisy brilliant bunch, and, yes, they are mine. All of them.

What did you do this Summer?

Each year as the kids get ready to go back to school, I find myself reflecting on how we spent the summer—which inevitably leads me to pondering our summer vacation. I don't think I've ever looked back on a vacation and said to myself:  "Well, that was a waste of time and money". I never regret the time I spend with my children. I love summer!

I'm not one of those parents that can't wait for school to start again. I am always sad when summer is over. I feel the same way about vacations and family trips. I'm always sad to see them end. One time we spent three weeks on vacation, 21 days together.  I wondered at the end of those days if I would finally feel ready to go back to a routine. I didn’t. Whether we travel together for three days or three weeks, I always find myself back at work a little depressed that we are not all together.

So for those of you who are reluctant to load up the car and go somewhere together, here's my advice: DO IT! Pack a bag, get a tent, make a reservation; Call your aunt, see if you can sleep on her floor, whatever it takes--just load the family up and hit the road! The kids don't care much if you go to a local attraction, public park or expensive resort. They just want your time! If you think you can't afford a vacation, remember: you can't afford not to take a vacation! We’ve traveled together when we had no money, and we’ve traveled together when we had a little money. I can honestly say I enjoyed all of the experiences. If you're waiting for your children to be a little older before you travel: DON’T WAIT! Do it! Do it now! Have a picnic, take a walk, play tag in the park, it doesn't really matter--just do something! Don't miss an opportunity to recreate with your children.

I don't like to sound preachy, but I can honestly say spending time together as a family, including vacations, has been one of the most productive things we have ever done. In my dream world, I would have taken a year off to travel the country with the kids and then written a book about it. That ship has sailed. Instead of one grand venture, we've taken dozens of little ones. Instead of a book, my little blog posts. Summers come and go and so does the time we have with our children. So make the most of it!

Today I have the luxury of sitting back and reflecting on a summer spent with my children. Soon, much sooner than I anticipate, I will have to sit back and reflect on summer without them. They will be out of the house with children of their own. I don't want to look back on that season with regret but instead with happy memories of time well spent.

To DVD or not to DVD that is the question?

 I can not remember how many times I've had the conversation with parents concerning the appropriate use of media while traveling. I have read a lot about this from child psychologists, bloggers, etc. Everyone seems to fall down on one of two sides: movies, games, and electronics in the car will ruin your kid’s life and they will end up a hoodlum in the streets and probably addicted to drugs; or electronics are the only way to survive the trip with kids as no child could ever be expected to sit in a car seat for more than 30 seconds without being entertained or bedlam will ensue.

As with most things in life I believe the solution to electronics in the car is a hybrid. I would not trade the moments we’ve had on our journeys without electronics. For example, Jennifer would read to us. We’ve laughed with Junie B and cried with Jean val Jean. We’ve cheered at Voldemort’s undoing and Matilda’s magical powers. Oftentimes we’ll listen to music; one person gets to choose the playlist or the kids all belt out Defying Gravity together. As a result, we all like a lot of the same music and that’s fun. (Yes, I had to subject myself to more Hannah Montana than anyone should but my children also have an affinity towards U2—bonus!). We’ve played various games like the license plate game, the alphabet game and one we affectionately titled, “yellow car” (wherein everyone yells “yellow car” when they spot a yellow car--that’s it). There was of course much napping by everyone but the driver.

But, we also watched a movie in the evening, once it got dark. The kids hold out until late in the day before watching a video. We’d try to time it to where the movie would end about the same time we arrived at our destination--thus eliminating the “Are we there yet?” conversation. On balance, I cannot remember the movies my kids watched in the car, but I do remember many of our sing-alongs conversations games and books. However, movies got us through the last two hours of some very long rides. Like most things in life—moderation is the answer to the question: to DVD or not to DVD?

I never want to go back, but I would like to visit again

I never want to go back, but I would like to visit again.

For years when our kids were little people would see us at church or around town loading, unloading, looking for shoes, picking up dropped keys, dropped bottles, dropped toys, whatever, and they would say: “I remember those days. They were the happiest times of my life! They grow up too fast! You’ll miss it, trust me”.

And I would think: The happiest times of your life?  Wow.  You must have a horrible life! Surely you have forgotten what it’s like. What about jam?

I am convinced for a period of at least ten years my children didn’t actually consume sticky foods—they just spread them on other surfaces.  I can’t count times I touched something sticky: counter tops, doorknobs, drawer handles; JAM EVERYWHERE. And besides jam, how about trying to leave the house! We carried around a diaper bag for thirteen years. Thirteen YEARS. Every time went anywhere it was like packing for a weekend getaway. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but hearing: “This is the best time of you life” was a little discouraging . . . So no money, no time, no nice things (see jam rant) is as good as it gets. Again, I say: Wow. After the diaper, earache, consta-snot, sticky years, it’s all down hill. Well, at least we have something to look forward to, like death.

Now a decade later, two of my five are out of the nest and the remaining three can find their own shoes (in fairness I did have to remind the 10 year old last night he needs to changes his underwear every day #boys). I can see why those well intended soon to be or already emptynesters would say what they did.  I miss ‘em. Look, I’ll be the first to admit being able to shop with my wife for an hour without finding, picking up, and trusting a pre-teen baby sitter is awesome! Still I miss them. Now I can talk to my kids about art, music, sports, politics and whatever. I love that! Added bonus: NO JAM.  But I miss the cute things they would say. I miss the jammies and even Dragon Tales (not often).  This morning as I was waking up, I longed for a bed head, bad breath kiddo to crawl in my bed and put her cold feet on my back. That ship has sailed. And the sad thing is, it never comes back. Memories are filtered to remember the good times. I don’t want to go back to stepping on Barbie shoes and pink medicine constantly in the fridge. Not permanently at least, but I would like to go back for a visit.

Cool coasters have nothing on my mad football skills….or something like that.

Two years ago we took an awesome trip to Sandusky, Ohio, home of the world famous Cedar Point amusement park. Cedar Point was the last stop on our epic road trip from Indy to upstate New York. Cousins from Idaho traveled with us and we made great memories (like taking the log ride six times at the end of day while chanting: “You say CEDAR; I’ll say POINT; CEDAR! POINT! CEDAR POINT! We were pretty into it). The trip included tons of fun stuff: a really fun lake house, many cool LDS Church history sites, Great Wolf lodge, and Niagara Falls. We saved Cedar Point for last on purpose. It did not disappoint—providing the world’s fastest, tallest and coolest coaster! I highly recommend a visit.

So the morning after Cedar Point Drew (8) and I got up early (like we had most mornings during the trip) to play catch with the football. We tossed the pigskin around for about twenty minutes before anyone else woke up. I enjoyed the time together; it gave me an opportunity to talk to him one on one. As we were tossing the ball, I asked him, “What has been your favorite part of this trip?” He didn’t miss a beat, “Playing catch with you”. I was stunned. Was he messing with me? He wasn’t old enough to tell me what I wanted to hear. The crazy thing was, he meant it. He told me straight up what he felt. So I wondered: why did I spend all this time and money taking you half way around the country if the back yard would do?

It’s hard to believe all kids really want is time. I think we tell ourselves that something changes from toddler to teen and kids would prefer an iPod over an hour with dad. But do kids really change? Or do they just follow our lead as they move to adulthood? Putting a higher value on the highly valued electronic device or whatever else because that’s what they see us do? I don’t know, maybe. But I’ll tell you one thing for sure: since then, I have tried to spend more time just spending more time with my kids.